Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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