This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
