these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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