very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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