So drunk, too bad you don't want this
one two three fourrrrnication!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
