his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
