for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
