I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
