Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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