The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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