just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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