Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
