Your face is a jimmy john
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
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