I can text with my tongue
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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