she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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