It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
