And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
