She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I need to stop coming to work sober
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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