You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
