Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
