i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
