This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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