my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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