Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
...so i touched it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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