During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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