well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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