ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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