Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
