We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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