Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
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time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
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I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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