i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
