I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you have to choose: penises or morals?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
