he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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