You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
