I'm so fucking centered right now
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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