im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
