You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
