so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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