I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
