i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
