I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
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Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize