Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
