she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
