I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
