So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
