i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
