I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??