hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.