YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
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I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
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I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement