I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
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I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
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We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.