Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
