Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
