so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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