dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
