So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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