First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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