on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
