the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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