Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i think my cat just said my name.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
