I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
