so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
