She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
