i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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