I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
