my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
