So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
