Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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