She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
