i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
