i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Panties = found
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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