his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
