Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
