I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
