Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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